The year was 1947. People still took trains back then. My grandfather had just seen his first jet airplane a few years earlier. Werner Von Braun was tinkering around in Huntsville trying to come up with a American UFO. And lo, some yahoo ranch foreman named W. W. Brazel walked out into his backyard near Roswell and found (horrors!) “strange, shiny material.”
Alien sightings not confined to the Southwest Read More »
Never in all my years of professional ogling at various women with my cronies have I ever heard a man say, “Hey look at that babe! What eyes, what hair! She’s gorgeous! Oh, but look at her feet.”
Open mouth and insert foot Read More »
My science/technology/math comprehension ends, I mean stops dead, at the lever and pulley. I know how that stuff works. I can fix a lever and a pulley. You want someone to explain an inclined plane to you? I’m your man. Don’t get the science of a crowbar? I’ll set you straight. Combustion I understand. Steam power I understand.
Math is not a Southern Skill Read More »
New York is the psychotherapy capitol of the U.S.. Everyone has a psychiatrist, couselor, therapist, or “group.” The entire city seems to be trying to figure out who is normal and who is likely to start making strange fertilizer concoctions and renting moving vans. Sure, everyone thinks they’re normal. But let’s be honest here–I’m from
Northern psychobabble puzzling Read More »
New Yorkers think they know everything. They think they got it good up here. They think they’re smarter than we are. They think they won THE WAR, and if you’re a Southerner, you know which war I’m talking about. Which all just goes to show that they don’t know Jack. And if you try to
Escaped cows panic New York Read More »
A Danish mother visiting Manhattan left her baby in a carriage outside a barbecue restaurant while she was eating with her husband on Tuesday evening. Alarmed New Yorkers called the police and the mother, Annette Sorensen, was arrested for neglect. I’ve had some good barbecue in my life, but I can personally vouch that there
Danish mom pleads ignorance Read More »
Back when I was a civilian, and hadn’t done any reporting for the media, I read about other people in the newspaper and thought wow! How did they get to be so special? But now that I’ve worked for The New York Post, Harper’s BAZAAR, and Vanity Fair, I know that a good reporter
Anyone can be newsworthy Read More »
In Alabama, we leave a lot of stuff in our cars: hats, cheeseburgers, small children, books, movies, cameras, purses, and even the car keys. And that’s just in the front seat. The car is simply a miniature version of our house, we spend lots of time in it, we clean it, we pamper it, we
New York cabbie draws rave reviews Read More »
“Uma, Ophra, and Op, Alabama,” can you tell me how these things go together? “Not very well,” is the answer. Your roving South-Alabama-native-but-living-in-Manhattan columnist crashed a few Oscar parties here in New York City. Normally, like most of the billion viewers who watched Monday night’s event on ABC, I view the Oscars alone, dressed
Oscar party in the Big Apple Read More »
After living in New York City for neigh on two years now, I am beginning to miss strange things in The Great State of Alabama. Sure, everybody misses grits, sweat tea, houses with columns, and beguiling Southern women when they first leave Dixie. But I’m getting worried about my mental health–I’m finding myself pining away
Pickups in NYC don’t meet Bama standards Read More »
