After living in New York City for neigh on two years now, I am beginning to miss strange things in The Great State of Alabama. Sure, everybody misses grits, sweat tea, houses with columns, and beguiling Southern women when they first leave Dixie. But I’m getting worried about my mental health–I’m finding myself pining away […]
Pickups in NYC don’t meet Bama standards Read More »
Some New Yorkers have the nerve to make fun of the way Alabamians talk. They say it is unintelligible and sounds ignorant. Right. Like “Hey youz guyz, move dat #%@* truck out of my *$&@ way” sounds brilliant. If Einstein had been a New Yorker, the formula would have been “E=M#%@C.” So as an accented
Fuzz and slime are hard to come by in New York. No, I’m not talking about the NYPD. Oh sure, fuzz and slime may seem like a natural resource what with the subway system, indigenous New York lawyers, and the abundance of talk shows that are based here. But I’m talking about vegetables, specifically OKRA.
Delicious Southern fried okra Read More »
Last week I gave a bit of advice about taking a cast-iron skillet with you whenever you go to the country. Let me exend that rule to French restaurants. They don’t have much to eat there that I can tell. Now I’m not bashing French food, mind you. We’ve got some pretty disgusting food in
Language barrier poses dining, Romance problems Read More »
The New York City grocery store business is made up of a vast mafia cartel that controls, among other things, monetary prices in South Korea, the Academy Awards, Pop-Tart placement on aisle four, and grocery-cart wheel friction. In short, it’s a racket. I like to eat, but I don’t like to buy groceries. There are
New York City grocers are too powerful Read More »
Ever since I was a boy, I’ve loved Christmas trees. Problem is, I usually find a way to accidentally obliterate at least one Christmas tree every season. Christmas trees are glorious things: tall and proud proclaiming a special holiday; shiny and glittery during the gloomy darkness of deep winter; green and healthy in a month
Christmas tree tempts young handyman Read More »
Twas the night before ChristmasAnd lo it had snowedThough less than an inchcovered the road.“Blizzard!” cried some“Nor’easter” hollered more.Even the mayorCouldn’t get bread at the store.The elves and their radarhad re-routed old Santawith frost on the groundCould he land in ‘Bama?My family was sleepingQuite soundly, I sayWhen fatso and companyslap rurnt his sleigh.Out on driveI
Twas the night before Christmas And lo it had snowed. Though less than an inch covered the road. “Blizzard!” cried some “Nor’easter” hollered more. Even the mayor couldn’t get bread at the store. The elves and their radar had re-routed old Santa with frost on the ground, could he land in ‘Bama? My family was
An Andalusia Christmas Read More »
Here comes the bride. Thankfully, I’ve had a moment of respite from weddings. I went to five this summer. I suppose all my friends are of the marrying age here at 24 years old. In fact, I’m probably behind since Alabama’s average age to be betrothed is 22. I love weddings. Lots of funny things
Wedding a good place for laughs Read More »
This week, Bill Clinton, a.k.a. the Big Mac President, alias the Commander in Beef, leader of the Feed World and of the last “supersize me” nation, came to New York City and did a little Christmas shopping. As a result, we all know exactly what he bought Hillary and the first frosh for Christmas. How?
Christmas shopping budget skimpy Read More »
