Twas the night before ChristmasAnd lo it had snowedThough less than an inchcovered the road.“Blizzard!” cried some“Nor’easter” hollered more.Even the mayorCouldn’t get bread at the store.The elves and their radarhad re-routed old Santawith frost on the groundCould he land in ‘Bama?My family was sleepingQuite soundly, I sayWhen fatso and companyslap rurnt his sleigh.Out on driveI […]
Here comes the bride. Thankfully, I’ve had a moment of respite from weddings. I went to five this summer. I suppose all my friends are of the marrying age here at 24 years old. In fact, I’m probably behind since Alabama’s average age to be betrothed is 22. I love weddings. Lots of funny things
Wedding a good place for laughs Read More »
This week, Bill Clinton, a.k.a. the Big Mac President, alias the Commander in Beef, leader of the Feed World and of the last “supersize me” nation, came to New York City and did a little Christmas shopping. As a result, we all know exactly what he bought Hillary and the first frosh for Christmas. How?
Christmas shopping budget skimpy Read More »
Every month, I pay about $3 a square foot for a crummy little apartment on the fifth floor of a former tuberculoses hospital on the East side of this island called Manhattan. I’m not complaining, because it’s one of the best deals around. For an expatriate Alabamian, the idea of renting anything on $36 annual-square-foot
Where’s my Park Ave. Penthouse? Read More »
At some point in a man’s life, the weather becomes more than a subject for light chit-chat. It becomes religion. On any given day, Guy Wiggins can tell me the dew point pressure in Manhattan, regardless of the fact that he hasn’t visited in twenty years. He also consistently monitors the rainfall in Andalusia. Currently, this is something of a mystery to me considering that Granddaddy only grows grass and the occasional tree. But I’m sure it will make sense when I’m 81.
Grandfather Guy celebrates 81st birthday Read More »
The world’s second oldest profession is no doubt, politics. However depending on the politician, I’d say public office-seeking often resembles the job description of the world’s first oldest profession. I’ve gone and done it – – bringing up politics and sex in the same article. Alas, the sort of times we live in. I generally
Smutty times call for smutty measures Read More »
Let me tell you why space aliens aren’t being hidden by our government. Look at our politicians. Look at the publicity shaking hands with an alien would generate. Look at the politicians again. Now say to yourself, “Would Bill Clinton give up the opportunity to welcome ET to the free world as he got off his spaceship?” If you answer “Yes” to that question, you’re a Ross Perot supporter, I have ways of sensing these things.
UFO’S won’t be kept secret in America Read More »
I decided to do a little volunteer work this year for the Boy Scouts of America. I was a proud Boy Scout, and I figured Yankee boys couldn’t be that different. I have said it before, and it is worth repeating, that there are a number of things I gave up once I passed through
Roughing it in New York with the Scouts Read More »
There’s no place in New York City to stomp up some peanuts. And that’s a pity. Fact is, New Yorkers don’t know squat about peanuts except that Jimmy Carter grew ’em and JIFF is made out of them. If there’s one thing we can be proud of in the Great State of Alabama, it’s the
Mr. Dillon has taken Bama out of Alabama Read More »
My Uncle Mark emailed me a note this week that read: “Morgan, I noticed that you haven’t slandered any of your relatives in your columns recently. What’s happened?” You know, that’s really asking for it. The gall of my Uncle Mark. Can you believe that? Is he actually suggesting that I exaggerate in this column?
Ups and downs of sailboat repair Read More »
