Southerners embrace the hug like no others.
Southerners hug, That squeeze sets us apart from the rest of the world, which preoccupies itself with bows, smooches, handshakes, and ornate flourishes.
Everybody hugs everybody in the South. Uncles bear-hug nephews. Mothers hug children with a special pat on the back and accompanying “mmm-mmm,” which means “love you.” Dads throw juniors up in the air and sweep them into hugs on their return trips to Earth. Bouncy cheerleaders hug football team champions. Pastors hug parishioners. Beauty pageant contestants hug each other. Coaches hug linebackers. Junior League ladies teeter on tiptoes to hug one another without ruffling pearls. Grandmamas smother grandchildren in ample bosoms. Car dealers hug chumps. Total strangers hug. Even longtime enemies, if they’re both Southern, will give the old sideways (one-arm) hug.
We’re a friendly group.
Yet there is a growing threat to the hug. Certain people in Atlanta, Florida, and the fancier regions of Texas have adopted the foreign ways of Californians and people from France. They kiss hello in public. Yes, kiss. Sometimes it’s one smooch. Sometimes it’s a smooch on both cheeks. Sometimes it’s a smooch in the air around the cheek. The kiss can confuse well-meaning Southerners going in for a hug. Kiss-hug collisions may result, with the kisser, ironically, more likely to be offended by the over-familiarity of the hugger. It is incumbent on Southerners not to confuse such cheek kissing with actual affection. These pecks are not what occur between elderly Southern ladies and young boys when the older of the two blurts out, “Give Aunt Gladys some sugar!” (Such a phrase has the ability to strike fear in even the most highly decorated Southern war heroes.) That’s the problem with the kiss. Kisses can be vague, can have different meanings. To be kissed off, or told to “kiss my grits” can ruin one’s day. Hugs have no such subtlety. That’s why you’ve never heard of someone being “a bad hugger,” or giving “the hug of death,” or insulting others with “hug my butt.”
Handshakes, too, have problems.
Civilized, yes, but inherently business-like, the handshake has suffered a decline in recent years. Like kissing, the handshake can convey hidden meaning. Done poorly, the handshake invites a litany of criticism: too weak, too firm, too vigorous, not vigorous enough, too long, too timid, too bony, too limp-fishy, too jerky, too sweaty, too much like a lumberjack. The worst come from people who perpetually grab fingers and inadvertently catch wedding bands and engagement rings in the crush. Ouch. Handshakes seem to be going the way of the necktie, a device used in job interviews, at funerals, and among the more formal.
So the hug still reigns supreme here.
Sure, there are some rules. (As a former youth counselor advised, keeping the Holy Spirit between hugging and dancing young folk is probably a good idea although there seems to be some debate over the Spirit’s waistline.) Yet when it comes time to greet an old friend, to welcome a soldier or sailor home, to squeeze out sadness, to convey sheer joy, to comfort a hurt child or simply to say, “I love you,” nothing beats the humble Southern hug.
As published in Southern Living