Every year at Thanksgiving, my family says what they’re thankful for. Some say good health. Some say being together. Still other family members are thankful that the turkey didn’t catch fire since we’d have to eat it anyway and say how good it was (who has ever said “dang Mama, that bird was dry”?).
These are all good things to be thankful for, yessir. But I’ve been thinking about the nature of the holiday and frankly, I’m glad to be living in America--even if it just barely America here in New York City.
There are a lot of songs and speeches made by Americans saying how great our country is, and I’m right there with ‘em. But let’s be honest here: don’t you get kinda bored talking about freedom, liberty, et cetera? I mean, it’s hard to visualize the communists snatching away your Ford Explorer and making you stand in line for toilet paper, isn’t it?
That’s why I’ve done a little research for you and come up with just about the most miserable place on earth where the people have rurned the country. To qualify for the worst-quality-of-country award, the population of said region couldn’t be starving to death or bankrupt to the point where they don’t have cars, grocery stores, schools, and so forth. Nor could they be living under a dictatorship or commie-pinko regime. Naturally, if there’s nothing to eat where you live, freedom, liberty and justice for all, is going to take a back seat to looking for dinner.
And the winner? Khartoum, Sudan.
Picture this: scenic Khartoum, surrounded by Libya, Chad, Ethiopia, Uganda, and Zaire. Oh, and don’t forget Eritrea.
President Omar el-Bashir has enacted a number of “public order laws” that separates the sexes. Get this my fellow Andalusians: men and women can’t face each other at social events, must not look at members of the opposite sex, must put up barriers at weddings, parties, and picnics, and cannot wear jewelry or perfume.
What I want to know is how Khartoumians meet one another without getting arrested? Does the minister say “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the barrier.”?
I have trouble dating as it is, thank you very much. I don’t need my blind dates to be any blinder.
Moreover, the Khartoum Council has ordered that streets be well lighted to prevent couples from vanishing into the darkness for “unauthorized activities.”
Is this an attempt at population control?
Women cannot shop at night and must not sit near bus drivers. Bus drivers in Khartoum must be lust-crazy fellows who can’t navigate their vehicles with all those women wrapped up like burritos in close proximity.
Athletes of both sexes will not be allowed to wear tight-fitting clothes--I guess we can rule Sudan out of the 50 meter dash and the butterfly stroke at the Olympics in 2000. It’s hard to watch where you’re swimming with a veil over your head.
Worst of all, card playing is prohibited. I’ll bet dominoes are out of the question too.
“Toum” town sounds about as much fun as a Jehovah’s Witness recruitment party.
Come to think of it Andalusia, after looking at Sudan’s government, I’ll take my turkey dry, burned, or even as a member of congress.
