The world’s second oldest profession is no doubt, politics. However depending on the politician, I’d say public office-seeking often resembles the job description of the world’s first oldest profession. I’ve gone and done it – – bringing up politics and sex in the same article. Alas, the sort of times we live in. I generally […]
Smutty times call for smutty measures Read More »
Let me tell you why space aliens aren’t being hidden by our government. Look at our politicians. Look at the publicity shaking hands with an alien would generate. Look at the politicians again. Now say to yourself, “Would Bill Clinton give up the opportunity to welcome ET to the free world as he got off his spaceship?” If you answer “Yes” to that question, you’re a Ross Perot supporter, I have ways of sensing these things.
UFO’S won’t be kept secret in America Read More »
I decided to do a little volunteer work this year for the Boy Scouts of America. I was a proud Boy Scout, and I figured Yankee boys couldn’t be that different. I have said it before, and it is worth repeating, that there are a number of things I gave up once I passed through
Roughing it in New York with the Scouts Read More »
There’s no place in New York City to stomp up some peanuts. And that’s a pity. Fact is, New Yorkers don’t know squat about peanuts except that Jimmy Carter grew ’em and JIFF is made out of them. If there’s one thing we can be proud of in the Great State of Alabama, it’s the
Mr. Dillon has taken Bama out of Alabama Read More »
My Uncle Mark emailed me a note this week that read: “Morgan, I noticed that you haven’t slandered any of your relatives in your columns recently. What’s happened?” You know, that’s really asking for it. The gall of my Uncle Mark. Can you believe that? Is he actually suggesting that I exaggerate in this column?
Ups and downs of sailboat repair Read More »
The New York Times ran an op-ed in 1996 suggesting America aided developing nations far too little. I wrote the Times arguing that American defense spending is (and continues to be) aid to nations such as Germany, Japan, South Korea, and others under our nuclear umbrella. I believed in 1997 that America must maintain a
America First: Even in the 1990s Read More »
Depression is the natural state of all New Yorkers. Being miserable and treating others like dirt is every New Yorker’s God-given right. Thus it should come as no surprise that after a year-and-a-half in this city, I was morose a couple of weeks ago, after I had what can be rightfully be described as a
Columnist heads to new career Read More »
The sawing lasted 45 minutes. It was accompanied by the sound of my roommate reciting every swear word in Christendom. When it abated, Alex appeared dripping in sweat, out of breath, and carrying a broken hacksaw, “That . . . (pant pant) . . . SOB . . . is solid . . . (pant pant) . . . steel.”
“Well,” I said, thinking of his health and mental well-being, “why don’t you just leave it?”
“Never!” he said.
And everybody says that cats are smarter than dogs. Well, I’m not buying that. Perhaps cat owners are smarter than dog owners (they always seem to be women and literary types), I can buy that. But what do cats do? What function do they serve? Have you seen a cat that can fetch? A hunting cat? A bob-sled cat? A fire-fighting cat? A drug-sniffing cat? A seeing-eye cat? How ’bout even a guard cat?
Get yourself a “dawg” Read More »
I want you to sit down and grab your big toes. That’s what I said: your big toes. And while holding your big toes, bring your feet up to the same level as your ears. Yes, both of them at the same time. Still with me? Okay then, now straighten your legs. Why would
The Perils of Yoga Read More »
