Inauguration should be changed to inebriation ceremony
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Christmas tree tempts young handyman
Ever since I was a boy, I’ve loved Christmas trees. Problem is, I usually find a way to accidentally obliterate at least one Christmas tree every season. Christmas trees are glorious things: tall and proud proclaiming a special holiday; shiny and glittery during the gloomy darkness of deep winter; green and healthy in a month
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Christmas in Andy
Twas the night before ChristmasAnd lo it had snowedThough less than an inchcovered the road.“Blizzard!” cried some“Nor’easter” hollered more.Even the mayorCouldn’t get bread at the store.The elves and their radarhad re-routed old Santawith frost on the groundCould he land in ‘Bama?My family was sleepingQuite soundly, I sayWhen fatso and companyslap rurnt his sleigh.Out on driveI
A Thomasville Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas And lo it had snowed Though less than an inch covered the road. “Blizzard!” cried some “Nor’easter” hollered more. Even the mayor Couldn’t get bread at the store. The elves and their radar had re-routed old Santa with frost on the ground Could he land in ‘Bama? My family was
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Wedding a good place for laughs
Here comes the bride. Thankfully, I’ve had a moment of respite from weddings. I went to five this summer. I suppose all my friends are of the marrying age here at 24 years old. In fact, I’m probably behind since Alabama’s average age to be betrothed is 22. I love weddings. Lots of funny things
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Where’s my Park Ave. Penthouse?
Every month, I pay about $3 a square foot for a crummy little apartment on the fifth floor of a former tuberculoses hospital on the East side of this island called Manhattan. I’m not complaining, because it’s one of the best deals around. For an expatriate Alabamian, the idea of renting anything on $36 annual-square-foot
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Grandfather Guy celebrates 81st birthday
At some point in a man’s life, the weather becomes more than a subject for light chit-chat. It becomes religion. On any given day, Guy Wiggins can tell me the dew point pressure in Manhattan, regardless of the fact that he hasn’t visited in twenty years. He also consistently monitors the rainfall in Andalusia. Currently, this is something of a mystery to me considering that Granddaddy only grows grass and the occasional tree. But I’m sure it will make sense when I’m 81.
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Smutty times call for smutty measures
The world’s second oldest profession is no doubt, politics. However depending on the politician, I’d say public office-seeking often resembles the job description of the world’s first oldest profession. I’ve gone and done it – – bringing up politics and sex in the same article. Alas, the sort of times we live in. I generally
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UFO’S won’t be kept secret in America
Let me tell you why space aliens aren’t being hidden by our government. Look at our politicians. Look at the publicity shaking hands with an alien would generate. Look at the politicians again. Now say to yourself, “Would Bill Clinton give up the opportunity to welcome ET to the free world as he got off his spaceship?” If you answer “Yes” to that question, you’re a Ross Perot supporter, I have ways of sensing these things.
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Roughing it in New York with the Scouts
I decided to do a little volunteer work this year for the Boy Scouts of America. I was a proud Boy Scout, and I figured Yankee boys couldn’t be that different. I have said it before, and it is worth repeating, that there are a number of things I gave up once I passed through
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